Soul Meets Body
by Avis Howl
Summary: She should have known better than to assume they could only have a simple, platonic friendship and care about little else. After 3x10.


**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own anything.

**A/N:** I did not mean to write anything after the 3x10 episode but this came to me unexpectedly. For the inspiration (and title of the fic) I need to thank to a simple song called Soul Meets Body by Death Cab For Cutie.

I hope it will not give you too much of a trouble understanding it since I did not correct anything and I'll just post it as it came out of my head.

Enjoy your stay and thanks for taking the time to read.

Let me know what you think in the comments section.

Till next time ;).

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><p>Sometimes I wish I could turn back time. Back to when I was still a carefree girl, with absolute no worries above school and friends. With loving parents and an adorable brother. Without secrets that can compromise the lives of those closest and dearest to me.<p>

Sometimes.

I see this petite girl, standing in front of a mirror. And I am quite sure I have seen her somewhere before. A girl with thick and long dark hair, warm eyes and gentle feminine figure.

She just stands there, motionless. Her arms are hanging by her body, the look in her eyes absent. The only thing happening on her pretty face is the rhythmical movement of her nostrils as she breathes. Suddenly I feel the need to know what is the matter with her, so I step closer. Her body absorbs my spirit and suddenly I realize, that this young woman, this troubled soul, is actually me. I am the one that is staring in to her own image in the mirror as if I was trying to change the way I look only with my will.

It is my look that causes all the troubles after all. The resemblance I share with one Katherine Pierce, Katerina Petrova or whatever it is that her real name is. It is the reason why he kissed me. The reason why his brother wanted me in the first place. The reason why so many people have been hurt already. Had I been looking differently, no one would have paid any attention to me. Not Stefan. Not the witches and hybrids. Not Klaus. Not Damon.

I finally smile. Damon would have called my thoughts wishful thinking. He would say that there is no such thing as a time machine but on the other hand he'd stand there, a vampire. A mythical creature that, by all laws of the nature, just like the time machine, shouldn't exist. But he was bending those laws just as he saw fit. Just as he pleased. Always.

He kissed me tonight. Outside, on the porch and I simply do not have it within me anymore to deny that I had liked it. To say, that I was shocked because he had done so, would be rubbish. The thing that somehow triggered my special attention was the fact, that I had kissed him back. A gentle touch of his lips against mine. The warm puffs of air, coming from his nose and caressing my own skin. The way he always put his palms on my neck in the past, even if only just to reassure me. I know he needed to touch me. To hold and feel me.

Somehow I always knew that this mysterious, dark and lonely man will never spur only platonic reactions inside of me. It should never have been such a high science to me. After all, I had fallen in love with his younger brother for those same reasons. But what astounds me now, is the question connected to it. Had I fallen for Stefan too quickly? Before I even really knew him?

I had walked miles and miles with Damon before I let myself kiss him back. And I still see miles and miles of bumpy roads ahead of me when I think of us as something more than just close friends. His zeal and passion allure me. His suffering and the lengths he is willing to go to make me happy, make my heart ache. His nonchalance and indifference annoy me. But his honesty, his honesty I am in love with. He never embellishes facts to me. He wants me to stand on my own. He wants me to be the real me. And for that, I adore him.

I am afraid of him too. His impulsive and reckless decisions. I realize he cannot help himself but as selfish as it sounds, I do not want him to push me away with them. I need, crave and desire his presence in my life. The significant part that he plays, would forever be lost on me if we were to part one day.

Lost is how I feel right now. My hands are dripping wet. I should have dried them but what would be the point. I need to take a shower and they'll just get wet again.

Maybe that is why I do not want to make a closure on the things in my mind. I will see him tomorrow again and my brains will lash into analyzing it again from the beginning. So why would I abort the mission of explaining things to myself in the middle, only to start again with the same thing next day. It would indeed have been silly.

He says he heavily deals with guilt and several weeks ago I know I would've felt the same. I still feel it but it in such negligible amounts it is downright outrageous. And this here is me who we're talking about. Elena Gilbert. One that has moral standards studied to a t.

And I smile again. I had spent so much time with Damon; he must've rubbed off on me. This is something that would have flown out of that sordid mouth of his. And I just know he would endorse the statement with one of his legendary eye things and signature body movement. I would have liked it. It would've made me smile and forget about things that I am incessantly too young to worry about.

I should have known better than to assume we could have a platonic friendship and care about little else. To think of everything we've been through together now, makes me want to repeatedly say I am sorry for saying this and that. It makes me want to beg for his forgiveness. But even now, in my utter distressed state, I know I won't do that. My pride does not allow it to me. It still makes me believe that I was right at that time. That he deserved it for being such an arse.

Sometimes, as I had mentioned it before, I do not believe in that anymore.

Even his sinister demeanour had somehow stopped bothering me. If he is an animal then that is who I shall like. Only again, the notion might simply live somewhere in the deep corners of my mind.

Suddenly it is Stefan who replaces Damon's picture in the back of my closed eyelids (when I had closed my eyes, I do not remember) My heart beat quickens; weather from little shreds of affection or disliking I cannot yet tell. I am sure that I still care for him though, no matter his slips.  
>So by liking Damon the way I do, by doing my best to understand his malevolent nature and animalistic instincts, will it take me less time to forgive everything Stefan did when he finally returns? Is knowing so much about the dark side of those magnificent beings the thing that still tells me, daily, that Stefan will return for sure? That he'll come back to me?<p>

Will I be able to run back to his arms without thinking and walking any miles again? Will I not remember all of the things Damon did for me while he was gone, mentally and physically?

The mileage with the older brother forgotten? My vigour unblemished with the younger one again? The soft, tender lips upon my own like butterfly kisses, when he says goodnight and leaves, for he knows that I do not know what to do. He knows I'm lost but alive when he is around. He knows so many things about me yet realizes I am not ignorant to his own desires either.

I feel he loves me and now I do not know what to do for I fear my heart might be just as tricked as his is.

And at last, I do believe it's true. There are still roads left in both of our shoes. _I do believe it's true!_


End file.
